The Five Stages of My Mom's Cooking Process

Much like the Five Stages of Grief, my mother has five stages - emotional, verbal, and otherwise - in her cooking process.  I actually wrote this out about three years ago and it's been on our refrigerator ever since because it is still true.  She may not follow this outline every night, but for all intents and purposes it works.

(Note: my mother is not a sailor...  She never swears this much.  The stress of the kitchen gets to her.  HI MOM!)

1. Resignation: As she takes stock of what is left in the kitchen, "I'm just going to pull something out of my ass."
2. Anger at perceived ingratitude: As she notices that my father has once again disappeared to wash his hands or respond to one last email or do who knows what, "Where the hell does your father go every night?!"
3. Denial: As she finishes sautéing or boiling or broiling, "Jeez you guys, I have no idea how this is going to taste.  It's probably complete crap."
4. Acceptance: As she takes the first bite, "Goddamn, I'm good."
5. Assessing the consequences: As she surveys the dining table, "You have no idea how good you people have it." (Now I do, Mom!  Now I do!!)

first trip to NYC